Handling Difficult People-Dr. John Townsend
What to do When People Push Your Buttons
This small book by the best selling author and psychologist, Dr. John Townsend, packs a punch into its one hundred twenty three pages with enlightening and powerful principles. He offers the reader guidance on healthier attitudes, verbal scripts and how to make sense of the craziness.
Noted relationship expert, national speaker and co-author of numerous books, Dr. Townsend wants the reader to think about this: If you are missing the relational components from your button pusher such as closeness, safety, intimacy, respect, freedom, or trust, then the process of change is your best next step forward.
Introduction to Handling Difficult People
The reader should not skip the introduction as he can identify right away if he is in a relationship with a difficult person, although most people who pick this book up already know they are in a relationship that's causing significant problems.
Initial warning signs are listed which represent an unhealthy dynamic in a relationship. Positive changes that need to occur first will have to come from the person reading this book, the 'growing person'.
Who's Pushing Your Buttons
Dr. Townsend makes it very clear that the difficult person is most likely someone you care about. These people exist everywhere:
- a micromanaging boss
- a dependent adult child who drains you
- the detached spouse who won't communicate
- the blaming spouse who won't take responsibility
- the gossiping relative who forms divisions in the family
- the 'rageaholic' dad who has everyone walking on eggshells
- the irresponsible boyfriend
- the moody co-worker who controls the work environment
The difficult person remains "stuck in an immature state and won't own his or her issues", explains Dr. Townsend.
What Difficult People Do
Sometimes the difficult person destroys all the affection we once had for him or her. Sometimes the point of no return comes when one reaches out for a book like this or finally calls a counselor. Leaving prior to getting help means we might never understand what went wrong.
What This Book Can Do
This book can deliver help in stages. The reader has to be honest and step out of the relationship long enough to see that if he doesn't like the person he is when he's around his difficult person, it's time to make changes. Some of Dr. Townsend's steps to begin the process of change are as follows:
- Begin to understand difficult people and stop dealing with them in ways that don't work.
- Have a plan for utilizing seven different resources to help the difficult person want to change.
- Learn to be an agent for change, yourself, by taking proper responsibility for your own life.
- Learn to control your own happiness, from a Biblical perspective of being accountable for yourself, (Romans 14:12).
- Learn the difference between Love and Enabling.
- Find out how to help the difficult person be less comfortable in his dysfunction so he'll want to change.
Have a Vision for Your Life
Granted, it's tough to have a vision in the middle of a nightmare, but this step is imperative.
Once we have a vision and begin to take control of our own life, instead of waiting for the difficult person to change, we can transform ourselves and deal with the difficult person's issue lovingly, and not out of fear, need, or desperation.
Dr. Townsend reminds us, "Relationship is the greatest part of life." Denying and delaying will only rob precious years from our life. Whether or not we're able to make the change, whatever it may entail, is completely up to us.
Source:
Townsend, Dr. John. Handling Difficult People Integrity House, 2006, ISBN: 9781591454779
Other books by Dr. John Townsend: Boundaries and God Will Make a Way
Who's Pushing Your Buttons
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Handling Difficult People
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